Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
