is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
