Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
