Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
