He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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