I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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