Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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