i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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