just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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