You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
