11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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