I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
