Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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