My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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