oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
