Apparently you make a good broom.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
