it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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