Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
