All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
