I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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