So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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