i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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