Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
