She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
