bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
