U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
