Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
