it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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