I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
