Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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