I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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