dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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