i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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