i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
