I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
