He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
