considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
