She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
