she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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