It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
