okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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