just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
