just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just googled if crying burns calories
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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