This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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