i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
