the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
