Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
