Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
