I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Randomize
