I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
