She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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