He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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