Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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